Sunday, September 7, 2014

~ The Deeper Issue At Hand!~

~ Not long after my run, I lost interest and became depressed as my roommate/ex joined the local gym and starting reading and thinking and talking non stop fitness...I felt hurt! I skipped my Wed walk and Thur run, until Friday I danced ect, and Saturday I started a new program! Friday I picked up on new ideas for goals and looked into them..and, on Saturday I sat down and talked to Jesus and myself about how deep this goes! ON my Tuesday run I had surrender and prayed for help to lose weight for the first time..God gave me Courage..so what happened? Well...weight-loss should have been happening for a while now and the problem is not all the changes Iv made..or how long it took me to learn about health and make them...its the heart! I wrote down a list of fears, hates, and a 'Rejection Resume'...and, I decided not to let these things rule my life..I had to reach out! I went to Church today and I did..I ordered the Run for God: 5k Challenge and am starting a bible study growth group and want to evolve neighbors..so I stood outside and talked to them! Its time...to change...the real....ME! and since I decided and budgeted a makeover...and have decided to keep my diet tracking sheets and made a goal to do a 5 day Beginner Hitt challenge and to make it to week 2 on time to stay on track and to take very seriously and reward my weight-loss goals that I calculated to be efficient! I have until the 11th of October to perfect my routine and by Christmas in my goal making it says I should be 180 lbs and by my birthday I should be 125 lbs! Lets go all out, lets brake through! Lets be like Peter pan and break through...for the Story of Life!~
Ps- I took a late night walk and did yoga w/ bible...I will discuss Godersize in depth in a new post soon!...And the significance of symbolism in my workouts!~

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

~ More Than Numbers This Time!~

I wanted to start a blog/diary that was more than just calories/diet or stats/workouts! I wanted to face what I see in Chris Powell's and Jillian and many other YouTube testimonies of weight-loss: an emotional journey! I want to do more than just come across my internal issues and pass them by..that is how I got this way! I find in order to do that I have to have accountability, voice, and sources to process in and through!
So, a bit about me and my journey!
I was raised by a single mother who gave me a good education in a prestigious grade school, but was absent at work and loved me through gifts and fast food! I was alone most the time as a child endlessly outside and very active! I was a total tom boy with a mysterious feminine nature in which I had to be taken to therapy. When I hit pre mature puberty at age 8 I was kicked out of grade-school, possible trip to Japan, and then at 9 I was arrested and brought to a psych ward for brain testing. I was found with some unidentified brain imbalance and was then locked up in psych wards and residential for 3yrs where I was over medicated, malnourished, and inactive. Given barely any human rights or abilities..My growth, social skills, and body was stunted until I became a baptized believers in Christ and left those places for good. I then entered high school having missed all middle school and I gained my PE credit with tracking gym hours through my alternative school program I had to go through for my 'stunted society issues'! I was discouraged against being active at the gym and running because of my need for better grades and body weight! I was emotionally abused my my step dad who was a Military cook and guarded the kitchen and abusively enforced an unhealthy diet! I then was sent to adult foster homes because of such issues. I was passively fed with fast food ect, and given no comfort or safe place and stayed mostly in my rooms! I went to 2 homes like this and then when I finally found a better fit I lost 50lbs with zumba, walking, Run for God neighborhood bible-study, and Filipino food! Then I needed to move out for growth reasons. I found my self my own 1 bed room and gained the weight back when I realized I had to learn to live on my own and how to care for my own place ect. I was triggered by unfair people at church, and the memories of why I had never been parented to take care of myself! It took 2yrs before I learned how and enough about weight loss. I lost 40lbs by doing zumba and 5k training with my therapist. Then I became very depressed, with no church to belong, no counselors, ect..I found myself alone and suicidal...I gained 10lbs back and then lost it again as I began to crave my own identity and after sorting through boyf after boyf...I found a good long relationship and let the man move in. Now we have been challenging each-other with fitness goals ever since. I got so overwhelmed and competitive that I froze in action. Until today when I talked things out, have been watching Extreme Weight-loss and want to apply and have found a balance of foods and workouts I love and what works!
So here is the plan! Turbo Carb cycling, Vegan, no dairy or gluten diet! 1400 cal, 5 sm meals, daily 5k interval run and 321 Jillian style circuit and plank and grip challenge! I like these goals alot, sincerity they fit me and are attainable! I created diet tracking sheets and will blog after workouts! I will include recipes, ect and what I learn! I hope you enjoy..easier than an ebook and vlog!~
Inspirations are Rave/Gogo Dancing, Tomb Raider, Jillian Micheal's, Trainer Josh, Denise Austin, 80's workouts, Female Alternative Dancing, Krav Maga and sparing!